one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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