i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
