You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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