Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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