Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
