You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
