The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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