I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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