I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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