I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just blew my weed a kiss
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
