all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
