Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
