me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
