Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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