Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
