the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
