I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
