Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
