hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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