I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
