the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
