sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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