Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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