So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
