There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
