I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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