so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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