i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
