paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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