I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My hand turned me down
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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