You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
