I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
