I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
What drink are we having for lunch?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
