Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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