Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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