I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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