Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
