u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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