i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
