Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
