you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
