I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
