I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
