Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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