Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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