ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
