in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
