i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
