how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
