He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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