if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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