Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
