She announced her abortion via fbk
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
