hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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