if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
