Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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