Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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