i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
