Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Do vagina's smell?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize