Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
