There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I've blown a few things in my day
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
