so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
