I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize