May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
