I just pynch a tree in the face
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Pooping to opera.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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