the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have feelings that need drinking.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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