You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
