she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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