I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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