just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
