I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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