If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
