you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
it's great music for shaving your balls
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
