A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
