wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
