he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
