i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
