he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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