Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
