I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
