pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Randomize
