i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
