You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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