I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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