I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize
