I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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