It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
