Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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