dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize