i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
