I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
