Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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