I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
