Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
