I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
