Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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