you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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