New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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